


The "where" competition

by MyrMonarch



Category: Clone High
Genre: F/M, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26672569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrMonarch/pseuds/MyrMonarch
Summary: The basketball team is having some locker room talk when Abe accidentally implies his sex life is better than Jfk's. Open mouth, insert foot. Jfk sets off to confront you, hoping to catch Abe in his lie, but what you have to say just might surprise him. (And everyone else in the hallway)
Relationships: Abraham Lincoln (Clone High) / Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	The "where" competition

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened! I literally hate writing! But Abe has occupied literally every corner of my damn brain and he demands to be let out! So I wrote another fic. I don't even have the horny excuse this time (much).
> 
> Btw just a disclaimer I like Jfk I just think it would be fun to argue with him he funnie

Abe is finishing up his curls in the weight room when the topic of conversation turns to the inevitable after basketball practice, sex. Jfk sits on the bench, having finished his reps already."Hey fellas, I er uh, gotta broad for every day of the week! And you know what the best part is?" 

All the guys lean forward, listening intently. Some look like they're about to take notes. Abe just focuses on his last few curls, feeling smug. He doesn't need to take notes. Not anymore. He wonders when you get off work today...

"Never the same spot twice!" The guys gasp, looking awed. "Yup! Well, uh, except for the g-spot that is!" Everyone laughs uproariously except for Abe, who is still lost in his thoughts

"Hey Abe! You've, uh, gotta girlfriend now, right?" Jfk says, snapping Abe out of his daydream. "Yeah, Abe," John Dark says, looking nervous, "Have you guys done it yet?" Everyone turns to look at him expectantly. 

Abe smugly sits up straighter on the bench. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." 

Jfk laughs. "HA! I bet you've never even got into her bed." 

Abe heats up. " Of course I've been in her bed!" He leaps to his feet angrily. "In fact, I bet we've been in more places than you!" 

"Oh yeah?" Jfk says, puffing up his chest, "Well I, uh, doubt it." He crosses his arms. " I bet yer, uh, lying."

Abe stamps his foot childishly. "I am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are-" 

"GUYS! Stop arguing! There's an easy way to know if he's telling the truth! Just ask his freaking girlfriend" John cuts in in a high pitched voice, exasperated. Then he clamps a hand over his mouth. Probably embarrassed about the voice crack, poor guy.

"No!" Abe shouts, flushing. He would literally die of embarrassment if that happened.

"A-hAH!" says Jfk, pressing a finger into Abe's chest, "And why not, huh? Scared she's gonna tell us the TRUTH?".

_ Kind of _ , Abe thinks, stammering as he tries to think of an excuse, "I'm- uh, I mean, she- I mean- It's private! That's right! She would be so embarrassed! She would never want to share the details of our sex life becauss it would be soo embarrassing for her. She would be embarrassed. Because it would be embarrassing. For her."

Abe grins weakly at Jfk, who looks unimpressed.

John seems weirdly relieved by his excuses, and pipes up. "Yeah, he's definitely lying." A chorus of agreement echoes through the weight room, the guys all nodding.

Jfk walks away smugly, calling over his shoulder at Abe. "See you tomorrow! And by you, I mean your girlfriend!" He cackles as he leaves, the rest of the team trailing behind him.

Abe buries his face in his hands. Oh God, he just dug his own grave.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

You walk slowly towards Abe's locker, lost in thought. You and Abe have a study date tonight at your place, so you're meeting up at his locker before driving him home. You got off work super late last night, so you didn't get to see him barely at all yesterday. You smile to yourself. You could really use some  _ studying _ with Abe. You mentally debate the pros and cons of just pulling over somewhere on the way home. You don't want to wait, but at the same time he looked so pretty on your desk last time… 

You stop suddenly. Abe is standing by his locker with Joan, which isn't weird. Except for the fact that the entire basketball team (except for the captain, John's a busy guy) is standing behind him, and they're all staring at you. You awkwardly walk up to Abe, who is avoiding eye contact. 

"Heyyy babe, what's with the, uh, entourage?"

Abe mumbles something unintelligible and stares at what must be a  _ really _ interesting spot on the floor.

"O-kayyyy then…"

Jfk steps forward suddenly, looking at you appraisingly. "Let's uh, cut to the chase here. And by the chase, I mean the fact that Abe had some very interesting things to say in the locker room yesterday"

You glance at Abe, amused. So that's what this is about?

"Oh yeah? All good things I hope." Abe looks like he wants the floor to open up and swallow him. You lean against the locker, smirking. This is gonna be fun.

"He was telling us ALL about the, er uh,  _ places _ you've been. And by been, I mean had sex"

You heavily doubt that that's the whole truth, by the way Abe still looks like he wants to commit suicide by spontaneous combustion, but you wonder what he actually said.

Feigning shock and innocence, you bat your eyelashes up at Jfk.

"What!? Really? Wh-what the hell did he say?" You pretend to glare at Abe, who looks pale.

Jfk looks smug. "A-hah! I knew you was lyin' Abe! He was sayin' how you twos had probably been havin' sex more places than ME!" He and the basketball team crack up at the thought.

You pretend to be offended. "Oh my God! I can't believe you said that! You're gonna ruin my reputation!" You punch him on the arm. He remains rooted to the spot. Jfk and the others are sniggering, Joan looking relieved.

"Probably?!! I've definitely had you in WAYY more places than freaking Jfk! People are going to think I'm losing my touch if I can't even beat  _ him. _ "

Jaws hit the floor. Abe doesn't move. 

Everybody just stares at you dumbly as they process what you just said. Jfk blinks as he realizes you just insulted him and points at you, offended.

"Hey! There's no way you could beat me! I'm er uh, I'm a real ladies man y'know? You're probably just jealous!"

You make a show of looking him up and down and shrugging. "Maybe you're just scared I'm right."

Jfk narrows his eyes at you. "You're on."

He leans back and folds his arms.

"The bed." You give him a deadpan look. "Really, that's what you're starting with? Do I even need to answer that?" Jfk just stands there stubbornly, clearly expecting an answer. "Yes, obviously, I've had sex with my boyfriend in bed. His and mine." You roll your eyes. "Next."

"Wall." "Yep! Next."

"Floor." "Occasionally. Next."

"Shower." "Once or twice. Next."

"Desk." You grin, thinking of your daydream from earlier. "Definitely. Next."

"Car." "Bed or cab?" You ask cheekily. Jfk just looks pointedly at you with his arms folded, apparently very serious about this competition. "You're no fun. Both. Next?"

The team just stares, fascinated, as you and Jfk shoot back and forth, eyes flicking between your ever widening grin and Jfk's increasingly frustrated expression. Joan looks both devastated and intrigued as the list gets longer and longer. A crowd starts to form as you and Jfk continue to argue, getting louder and louder, totally engrossed in the competition.

Suddenly Jfk throws up his hands. "Argh! That was my whole list! How do I know you're not lyin just to beat me?" He points accusingly.

You shrug your shoulders apologetically. "I mean, you don't, really. It's not like there were, uh, eyewitnesses. Our sex life is private." You say as if you weren't just loudly discussing it in front of the whole school (or at least the whole hallway).

Jfk crows triumphantly, "No proof! Half the broads at school can er uh testify for me! I win! I win! Na na na na na!" You feel your competitive streak flare up as he starts doing a victory dance right there in the hallway. There is absolutely no way you can let him win. "HA!" Your eye twitches. No way.

You pretend to look at some dirt under your nail. "Well, I guess you beat me on the where, Jfk. There's just no way about it. All those witnesses." You sigh dramatically. "At least I still win the total." You slouch, trying to look as pitiful and sad as possible. 

Jfk pauses in his victory dance to look at you suspiciously. "Er, uh, total?"

"Yeah…" you say, moping. 

The crowd leans forward, curious. "Total what?" Someone calls from the back.

"Orgasms." You deadpan, standing up straight and looking Jfk in the eye. "At least I get to cum more than once."

The crowd LOSES IT. Abe's whole face goes  _ crimson _ , expression somewhere between proud and mortified. You struggle to keep a straight face, acting as nonchalant as possible to deliver the final blow.

"Maybe I don't have proof for that either. But even if I'm not the winner," You grin, unable to help it. "At least there are plenty of witnesses to prove its not  _ you _ ."

Jfk's mouth flops open and shut as he gapes like a fish staring between you and Abe and the entire school as if he can't believe that just happened. 

You giggle at his stunned expression and take your chance to have the last word. You crouch down, wrap your arms around Abe's legs, and throw him over your shoulder, standing up with little strain (Abe literally only weighs 110 pounds. You could  _ bench _ him without breaking a sweat).

You carry him all the way to the stairwell before Joan surprises you by shouting out.

"Wait! Where are you going?" She stares at Abe's flushed face a little breathlessly before blushing and looking back up to you as you pause on the first step.

"The roof. I'm adding it to the list."  _ If Abe blushed any more than he already did, I was gonna add the fucking hallway to the list right then and there, Jfk be damned, _ you think as you make to start heading up the stairs. Reaching up to pat Abe's ass fondly, you call over your shoulder,

"No eyewitnesses needed!"

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> And then I walked up a flight of stairs so that I was out of sight before giving up and calling the elevator. Still didn't put Abe down. Definitely put him against the wall on the roof.
> 
> I just want to say that I am not opposed to Joan, uh, "eyewitnessing". I feel like she would definitely appreciate the show 👀 and abe deserves to be appreciated for the good boy he is. I actually considered it but it just didn't fit into my mic drop moment for this fic. Maybe I'll write another one. (Can't believe I'm thinking about writing MORE. Me. Writing. )
> 
> Anyways all the clone high characters are bi 😎 bye


End file.
